Stuck a midst unknowing, endless loneliness...

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Diary Entry - 22 March 2008

*sighs* Here we go again. The endless rant of my emo-ism. Today, we went to celebrate Qunjie's birthday at Marina Square. We should be having a buffet, but the girls said that it was too expensive and we had something else instead. Something cheaper but less filling and less satisfying.

I still feel emo during the whole period. I feel like the conversations didn't really involve me. It's terrible. It's emo stage? I don't know. It's a terrible sight to think of.

While the three of the rest of the guys went to play some arcade, Chongwei and I actually went walking by the Singapore River and chatting. Emo-ism, sadness, misery... It's amazing, negatively amazing how people would change so fast.

"People have emotions. A troublesome attribute which is not only invisible, but also changes easily. When it is friendship or love, then it is fine. But when something triggers it into hatred, malice or vengeance, then it can lead to a tragedy."

I'm of the latter case, I believe.

posted at 11:20 PM

今すぐ君に逢いたい．．．

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Diary Entry - 20 March 2008

Okay, they said that we'll be having a celebration for Qunjie this Saturday at Marina Square. Fine, I'll go, for the sake of being involved.

*sighs* Why do people's emotions change so suddenly? For one second, they could be so nice and concerned about you, but the next second, they treat you like you're dirt or worse, like you're invisible.

"People have emotions. It is a troublesome value which cannot be seen and altered according to one's wishes. However, it can be extremely powerful and destructive. It is fine when these emotions are love or friendship, but when they turn into hatred and malice, people will tend to get hurt. With these emotions, one can easily become the giver or receiver of pain. Therefore it is important that we always hold good feelings for others in order to avoid conflict."

That was something mentioned in Detective Conan Movie 9: Strategy Above the Depths.

Very educating, but it doesn't untie the knot in my heart.

posted at 11:37 PM

今すぐ君に逢いたい．．．

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Diary Entry - 12 March 2008

The camp is over. My body aches like mad.

So how was the camp? The rain hindered much of our activities. We were supposed to play the high elements on the first day, but because of the rain, we only tried the rock climbing.

So I reached the top without much trouble, just like the first time I did it. I took the easier course however. Actually I was just standing there and I haven't chosen a course, but the instructor asked me to go help with the rope thingy. So I went to that course.

Then the rain picked up and we had to go back to the dormitory to practise our cheers and stuff.

Then there wasn't much. Oh yes, the Blind Man's Trial. Apparently that guy in front of me broke the line and we got stranded with a blindfold outside the canteen. *laughs* Then we were led back in and then we heard instructors screaming at the whole cohort.

Then it was sleep time. For the first night, I had been talking to Chongwei until 1am. Which was like an hour plus of talking. He was so sick. XD

Then the next day, we had some random games like Loop-a-loop and the passing of the tennis ball. We somehow managed to let the ball touch everyone's hands in a second. Duncan was standing in the middle of the circle, and he spun with the ball in his hands, making it touch all the other hands. Good day.

Then it was the Leap of Faith, yes the 20 persons skipping thing. I skipped quite a lot, and only made a blunder in like after 50 jumps? I lost count. I was the last four to be eliminated though. And I never missed until then. Yay.

Then the Bukit Timah hike after the lunch. IT WAS CRAZY. We started with a drizzle and put on our ponchos/raincoats. Then we walked and walked past the soaked up forest with soggy and wet stuff all over the godforsaken place.

Then Fanny had he shoe sole fall off, and she went like "OH SHIIIIIIIIT". The rain was subsiding then, so she took off her poncho to wrap the shoes and put on sandals instead. Then the rain got heavier than ever, so she walked with an umbrella.

The people in the front kept having to stop because the people behind were shouting "MISS SEE IS MISSING!!!". Stupid her.

Anyways, then everyone's shoes got soaked up terribly and we finally reached the summit after some time.

Then we had the campfire after the shower. It wasn't exactly that high, but yeah it was fun.

Then we were supposed to go for shower. But since we didn't even sweat during the campfire, we decided not to shower and stay in the dorm instead. Then we started talking and laughing like the crazy 3H we are. And we continued the talking until we were suppose to go back to the canteen for supper and debrief. Then we went back to the dormitory and CHAT till late in the night. Almost nobody wanted to wake up the next morning. Cause it was chilly and excellent for sleeping.

Then the breakfast and some overall debrief. It was quite sad, but everything has to come to an end. Let's just be happy that we can come home and play with computers and such.

Alright, that's about everything for the camp. I came home to sleep anyway. I was so tired and sleepy.

I haven't touched any of my work, I shall start tomorrow. Goodbye.

posted at 7:16 PM

今すぐ君に逢いたい．．．

Friday, March 7, 2008

Diary Entry - 7 March 2008

Hmm, has life changed? I wonder, I hope.

Okay, the homework part definitely hasn't. Let's look at what homework do I have these days... For that SHORT SHORT one week holidays.

1) Essential Non-Fiction "Success Stuns Harry Potter's Author" comprehension + summary
2) 1 News Article Review (decorated)
3) Additional Mathematics
4) Physics Workbook Chapter 4
5) Physics Worksheet
6) Social Studies Worksheet (1 set)
7) Social Studies G.O. on Chapter 3 Inquiry Question
8) Geography Essay Question
9) Geography Template
10) Chinese Journal

And we have camp from Monday to Wednesday. Dammit.

Fanny See expects too much from us. She reprimanded me for getting a B4 for Higher Chinese and Combined Humanities. My whole family sucked at combined humanities. My brother got D7 for his O Levels. I'm already pretty good.

As for my Higher Chinese, what gives her the right to tell me to work harder for Higher Chinese when SHE WOULD PROBABLY FAIL IT HERSELF?

Unexpectedly, the first of my friends to grace my new home is not Qunjie, but Chongwei and Hsinlu. How interesting.

They actually just wanted to send me back home since Qunjie was playing DM with some other peeps in school, and they volunteered walking me back. And since I noticed that dad's van was not parked downstairs, I assumed that no one was home so I invited them up and take a look. They actually wanted to stop by the door and let me go in, but Chongwei suggested that they come in and take a look at my room so Hsinlu followed in. Haha, my room's in a mess. I mean who would bother making their beds early in the morning when they're prolly gonna get back and sleep on it in 8 hours' time?

No one would even see it, besides today. ;D

Err, Goodbye.

posted at 9:07 PM

今すぐ君に逢いたい．．．

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Diary Entry - 6 March 2008

*sighs* Life definitely hasn't been good this past few weeks. Despite the ending of the Common Test just 2 weeks ago, teachers are already dishing out tons of work waiting to be completed.

There was barely anytime for a break. We were rushing through work so busily we barely could breathe.

Or it was me, at least.

For these two weeks I have been staying back on Thursday and waiting for those people to finish playing their DM cards and then walking me home, or waiting for them to actually notice my existence. But apparently I've just wasted 2 hours of my short life waiting for them and getting no special rewards. *sighs* Maybe I'm just obnoxious. *goes into depression*

Oh yes, Kailong's birthday is coming real soon, but I don't know it Qunjie is going to get him anything. He's trying to buy him a deck, but then I don't think Kailong would like it.

*wanders like a missing soul* Nowhere's appropriate for me. I'm rejected by wherever I visit. Then I'm stuck to this place where people I really don't wish to have talking to me talk to me. It's a nuisance. I'll go crazy very very soon.

The camp is next Monday. But the lethargic me right now has nothing to look forward to. Maybe it's just now. I hope it's only for now.

I've just came across this interesting quote in March's Readers' Digest. It went like that: "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. At least when you hate someone, you still care for him."

Of course I wouldn't want to be hated, but I think no one cares about me. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so terrible? I don't understand myself. I can't understand others. No idea why I'm feeling so emotional over some people whom I thought was stupid. Conscience? I just don't know.

Loads of homework had already been dished out for us for the short 1 week holidays. We have loads of Geography homework, some totally stupid Amaths homework and such. I'm really gonna die one of these days. But well, dying doesn't really make much difference. Since no one actually noticed my existence, I don't think my death would cause too much trouble for anyone.

If I could either just get happier by having people notice me, or I could just go away peacefully while sleeping.

Then maybe I would meet ZARD in the heavens. Or maybe I won't go to heavens.

Never mind that. Being a little pessimistic right now. I shall go complete my craziest work now. Good Day.

posted at 8:30 PM

今すぐ君に逢いたい．．．